Don't trust happy people

Why you should never trust a happy person - the smilers. It is by dent of their fake smiling you shall know them.

These people who are always smiling, or even worse, the obstinate ones who respond to any and all situations with a creepy, wide smile...seriously creepy.

Just think about it, what do these smilers have to be so happy about anyway? 

Yes, yes. I already know the turgid response ye nay-sayers make; those of you who really, really want to be correct in every situation; you all who are not satisfied until having taught the rest of us ignorant masses the magnitude of your correctness - I have a whole 'nother blog post concerning your lot.

Happiness is a choice, is it? Blah, blah, blah and blah. The fact is, it is completely unnatural this response - how smilers present their bright red, flappy gums in order to break an awkward silence. In the wild, isn't baring one's teeth a signal to stay away?

How have we lost our wilderness instinct so easily? We have let these feral and anti-social bastards into our midst to roam freely; they really do wreck a person's chill.



Stand up to the smilers you encounter - don't empower them! If the sh*t is hitting the fan at work and someone's response is to smile about it, then punch that person in the face. 
Punching is, after all,  a much better and cardiovascularly healthy response to a terrible situation than smiling. It's time-honored, gods damn it!

There are few things worse than living at the office; if one must live at the office, then it is grotesque not being able to adequately and accurately express oneself. Hey smilers! There are seasons to everything, including emotions - you cannot have spring all the time (I digress w/ a happy link to the internet wormhole).

Let people have their sh*tty day, damnit. Let people vent, yell, muster arms...well, maybe mustering arms is less than optimal in the office. 
The point is, it's ridiculous to expect the humans around you to constantly be positive (and, subsequently repress every other emotion for your fucking, micro-aggression-asking sake). 

A wise woman once said, "fuck 'em". I have taken this lesson to heart...and so should you.